My Life Turned Castrophe
My life has become a catastrophe, a disaster of sorts. As you’ll soon find out it’s actually a midlife crisis. Spoiler alert, it can happen to women! Yes! Women can have a midlife crisis and it does not involve a Corvette!
If you would have told me while in my thirties that by my mid-forties I would be living in an 800 square foot house, considering closing my business, weighing more than ever before, crying myself to sleep 3 or 4 days a week, with less than a handful of friends, still married to one that’s nice but not kind, I would have called you crazy, nuts, or completely insane. I prepared for success in my forties. I had charted the course of my life at 31 and was following the map to physical, emotional, spiritual, vocational, relational, and financial success.
Make Up – I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Make Up
It happened little by little. Day after day. Year after year. Until I woke up in late December 2021 to realize I no longer cared about myself. I wasn’t suicidal or completely unhinged, simply felt lost. I could not care any less about myself. My appearance no longer mattered. Monday through Friday my wardrobe of choice was sweat pants, t-shirts, and a ratty old grey oversized sweater. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t even bother changing my pajamas after a shower. Oh, my weight – geesh, I had not been on a scale in who knows how long. So, why bother wearing real clothes when I probably couldn’t fit into them anyway.
The grey hairs stood out among the bottle brown strands. My once caterpillar-like eyebrows (which apparently is very much in style now but, were not when I had them!) were now a patchwork of black coarse hair scattered above my eyes. So, why bother doing my hair or makeup? I was a train wreck anyway.
My emotional well-being was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t hang out with friends and rarely spoke with them on the phone. I didn’t go out or do anything. Lastly, I no longer loved my job or business. Yet, I had no idea what I would do as an alternative to the only career I’ve ever known. This is when I knew it was serious. I had always LOVED my career. My once spontaneous personality was replaced by a mundane predictable routine. It involved moving from the bed to the desk, from the desk to the kitchen, and from the kitchen to the couch. Every single day.
I Don’t Care What You Think – I Will Wear PJs
We are inundated with “don’t care” messaging. Daily, we are told not to care what others think. It’s our life and we will do what we please when we please, and if you don’t like it, well, you can suck it.
We’ve all seen the memes. How about the one that reads, “Not caring what other people think is the best choice you will ever make.” Or the infamous, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Maybe you shared the one that reads, “I don’t care what other people think, I enjoy life with my own rules.”
All of these memes sound like great advice, right? However, I came to a point where I didn’t care about what others thought of me or of what I thought of myself. There is truth to not caring too much about what others think. However, I had gone from not caring what strangers think to everyone, including myself. Is it possible I’m not alone here?
What You Wear Says A Lot About How You Feel
As women pushed back on the ideal image of a woman was June Cleaver, I have to wonder if the pendulum has swung a little too far. In the 1950s women dressed up for their husbands, not for themselves. However, I have to wonder if today we, both men and women, don’t dress up for anyone, including ourselves. The fashion industry has reported a significant drop in dress clothes with skyrocketing sales of joggers, sweats, yoga pants, and pajamas.
Yet, according to Fashion Psychology people feel better when they dress better. I thought, until recently, I could trace it back to when I started to get off course on my life’s map, it began with what I wore. It sounds silly even typing that! However, it’s true. I was no longer traveling for work and I began to buy into the jogger and jeans culture. Dresses became jeans. Jeans became sweat pants. Sweat pants became PJs. Yet, it was more than that. What I wore was saying more about how I felt.
It’s Not Covid – It’s A Midlife Crisis
I know what you’re thinking, just blame covid. Everyone has changed because of covid. The problem with that is, I was off-course BEFORE covid. Covid, just made it worse. I was already wearing sweats, isolating friends and family, slacking off on work, and feeling sad more days than I felt happy.
Finally, after some time I consulted a coach/therapist. I explained that I hated everything about me and my life. Sharing I was unsure of where I was going or how I would get there. I was completely lost. It was then that I learned a midlife crisis can look different than what I had imagined. I thought a midlife crisis only happened to men. When men hit midlife they would have an affair and buy a sports car. So cliche, I know. However, that is what I thought! I didn’t know a single woman that had gone through a midlife crisis but I could point to many men in my life that had.
A Woman’s Midlife Crisis
Now, as I head full-force into 2022 I’m in a full-blown midlife crisis! The Oxford Dictionary defines a midlife crisis as an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. Once I read those words I felt vindicated. I’m not losing my mind, depressed, or crazy! This crisis of identity and self-confidence started with my clothes. It started with something so small and now this feeling of being lost was in every part of my life.
How did I not know women could have a midlife crisis? Because it’s not talked about. I have never, not once, had a woman friend 40 or older talk to me about this. Oh, sure I’ve heard all about menopause but a women’s midlife crisis? No. I’ve talked to them about divorces, kids, careers, and a husband’s affair but, not once did anyone mention this phrase to me.
Frankly, I’m charting a map to an unknown destination, but I’m inviting you, reader, to join me. I have no idea how this will turn out. I’m embarking on a 52-week project, it will be a journey to recover from a midlife crisis. Not just recover, no, to celebrate success on the other side!
I will name it, Project: Maptastrophe, A Woman’s Guide To Navigating A Midlife Crisis Like Athena. I landed on Maptastrophe because I felt I had mapped my life to perfection and happiness until it wasn’t. It feels like a catastrophe to me. It feels like I’m broken and lost. However, I want to map my future so, it became Maptastrophe. I chose to treat this blog series as a guide because I want it to show you and me the way forward. Athena is the Greek Goddess associated with wisdom, handicraft, and warfare. These are traits that may come in handy for this journey.
This project will be for me and you what no other woman was to me. There was no guidance, wisdom, or advice from another woman on what to do when I hit midlife. It wasn’t until I completely fell apart that I decided to do something to figure out what was happening to me. It will be the unvarnished ugly truth about what a midlife crisis means as a woman and how we survive it.
For 52 weeks I will give care about a specific aspect of my life. I hope you will follow along in my journey.
About the Author
Lauralee Hites is a full-time management consultant who owns Stratavize Consulting Inc. a boutique consulting firm. She’s a part-time writer and blogger who is navigating midlife. When Lauralee is not speaking or working with clients, she is traveling, writing, or kayaking with her dog, Bear.
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