Getting To The NOC

Who will check on us when we are sad, down, and out? I hope it’s people like Gil.

We all need someone to lift us when we are down or when we are full-fledged in a midlife crisis? We need a nice guy or gal in our corner.

This place is nestled in the Smokies’ foothills on the North Carolina side. The road in, from Tennessee, is 28 to 19, a no-cell-phone signal-for- 90 minutes- windy-twisty narrow 2 lane mountain road with over 318 turns, according to the large billboard.

This mountain road is for regular drivers, even ones with kayaks on top of their SUVs, but doubles as Tail of the Dragon Race Track for motorcycle riders and small-low-to-the-ground-sounds-like-a- lawn-mower car drivers. Essentially you’re driving in a race you didn’t agree to be in with small very loud cars and motorcycles.

I arrived early on Saturday morning, not late like I normally do, to Nantahala Outdoor Center (NOC).

Meet Gil

I made my way among the buildings, cars, and people to the Paddling School to check-in.

There I was greeted by a tall, soft-spoken, older man with glasses. His once light brown hair was replaced with salt and pepper neatly cut strands. He stood there with a name tag that read, GIL, attached to his NOC t-shirt tucked into blue jeans shorts with a belt, and white new balance sneakers.

I immediately thought he looks like a nice guy.

I finished up my paperwork and was assigned my instructor for the day. My instructor and I went about kayak learning lessons first on the lake. After finishing, he said he would see if Gil could drive us to the drop-off and take our car to the pickup location then walk the short distance to NOC.

Be The Nice Guy

Then he said, “You will never meet a nicer guy than Gil.”

He went on to share how he teases Gil and often plays little tricks on him and how Gil then tries to do it back but fails. Once, my instructor left a company car with the wipers on and the radio turned up loud for Gil. He laughed a, I love that guy, kind of laugh as he recounted how he watched a startled Gil try to turn it all off when he started the car. Then Gil got him back the same way but my instructor ended up in the car before Gil had planned, startled he turned everything off and left only to return when Gil urged him. Then left Gil wondering why he wasn’t freaked out when he started the car.

My instructor went on to say he loved how Gil would take his jokes and try to turn them around but he wasn’t good at it which made it even more adorable.

Yeah, Gil is a nice guy.

Flipped My Kayak

Gil did drop us off. I lasted 10 minutes, flipped my kayak, lost my paddle and boat. The rapids were rough, when I managed to get to the river’s edge I had to make a choice, swim to a small clearing across the river, swim downstream to my boat, or walk-up where I was.

The river shoreline only pointed straight up with thick bushes.

My instructor, frustrated with my indecision on which option, knowing my boat and paddle were downstream kept urging me to swim across and wait.

But, I couldn’t. I just froze, sitting on a rock, watching the fast-moving water sweep rafts filled full of adventurers by at a fast clip. I thought about one of those out-of-control rafts rolling over me, and I thought about how stupid I am for thinking I even remotely have what it takes to do this.

Finally, after what seemed like 2 hours but, was only 5 or 6 minutes, I told my instructor I’m climbing up the embankment and there was no way I was going to swim straight across.

The Walk Of Shame

Irritated, with his own worries of dragging his boat, paddle, and self up the hill, he reluctantly agreed. As we came up with our plan, a fellow kayaker fetched my paddle and brought it to us.

Dragging my paddle I navigated through the weeds, brush, thorns, and surely poison ivy to the road.

We started to walk back down the mountain road in silence to our drop-off. From there, once I was deemed ‘safe’, he would fetch my boat which we were told was on river left down from my flip location.

As luck would have it, the manager of the NOC, rolled up in a huge 4 door truck to give us a ride to the pick up location.

I rode in silence, lost in my thoughts.

Are You Okay?

When we pulled up, there was Gil. He was there doing the same thing but for a different instructor car. He walked up and looked at me, the instructor, 2 paddles and one boat in the back of the truck and said “Are you okay?”

Gil, a nice guy.

I wanted to say….

“No, Gil. I’m not okay! I drove 8 hours, 90 minutes of which I was in a race I didn’t agree to be in, only to get here and fail within 10 minutes. My stupid boat is down the river. I’m standing here with my instructor, who is pretty unhappy, because he had to drag his boat up a side of the hill where he was smacked with thorns. My hand is bleeding. I’m pretty sure I am having a mid-life crisis. And ……Now, my instructor is sorting through how he is going to find my boat and what we do next because he flat out said “I am not taking you back on this river, you are not ready.” So, no Gil, I’m not okay!”

But, Gil is a nice guy and I could tell he was genuinely worried about me.

I responded, “I’m okay, Gil.”

I actually felt so much better because I could sense he was truly concerned.

We need more nice guys.

Who Will Check On You?

I learned a lot from this experience. It’s all part of navigating a midlife crisis. I’m exploring new hobbies, trying to overcome my fears and anxieties. However, in the moment I appreciated someone, a virtual stranger, asking me if I was okay. I wasn’t okay but I began okay. We all need someone to check on us. To be in our corner and ask about us. We also need to ask if others are okay too. Life is hard, we need to be the nice guy (or gal).

Keep Up With My Journey: Navigating A Midlife Crisis

Well, I’m in week 1 of my 52-week journey, and I’m already wondering the big question, will a midlife crisis pass? What if it doesn’t pass? How long will I stay in limbo? Will I ever figure our my purpose in life? I’m embarking on a journey, also known as, Project Maptastrophe: A Woman’s Guide To Navigating A Midlife Crisis Like Athena. If you’re new to this series, go check out my first article where I explain with all the gory details.

Lauralee Hites is a full-time management consultant who owns Stratavize Consulting Inc. a boutique consulting firm. She’s a part-time writer and blogger who is navigating midlife. When Lauralee is not speaking or working with clients, she is traveling, writing, or kayaking with her dog, Bear.

The post Who Will Check On You? appeared first on Lauralee Hites.

As I continue to explore my 52-week journey to recovering from a midlife crisis, I’m talking about travel this week. I think it’s the winter weather that has me considering traveling. Just kidding! I think about traveling every day all day. But, why? And, the bigger question is will traveling help you during a midlife crisis?

I’ve often wondered how, when, or where I caught the ‘Travel Bug‘? Then it occurred to me! It was when I crossed the Florida Georgia line in the summer of 1980-something.

The road calls my name daily. I woke up this morning with a plan to grab my geriatric corgi, Bear, hook up the camper and head out. Destination? Unknown. I want to escape the winter blues, big decisions that need to be made but I keep putting off, and the big decisions that have been made but are now like weights pulling me down as I get to the task of doing them.

Catching The Travel Bug And Not Letting Go

My dad was gone a lot when I was a kid. He missed softball and volleyball games, 8th-grade graduation, and many fights with my siblings. He was on the road delivering blueberries, watermelons, trees, plants, and more to the Midwest. So goes the life of an owner-operator truck driver. My dad LOVES to just go, anywhere and anytime. When he is not delivering a load, he’s driving somewhere for something. To sit idle is not in his nature, nor mine.

Unfortunately, being gone coupled with not having much money, we didn’t go on vacation as a family. A friend of mine’s family went on vacation to Florida every winter. Every. Single. Winter. She would tell me all about it before going and then catch me up on all the things that happened when she returned. I stayed an emerald green color all winter break. Eventually, the envy lasted longer than winter break, it hung around for years.

Florida Georgia Line: Welcome To The Sunshine State

Finally, after much complaining, begging, crying, and fit throwing. My father reluctantly took my brother and me on a “Lady Family vacation”. Which translated to a summer road trip in a long-haul semi with no air conditioning to Florida in the 1980s. I remember my dad yelling for us to wake up as we were about to cross the Florida Georgia line. In the dead of night on I-75, the highway lights lit up the palm tree adorned Welcome To Florida sign.

I’m not sure I have any other way to describe it other than to say it….was…..magical. We spent the next day exploring a tomato factory by going places kids did not belong, visiting an alligator sanctuary, and being yelled at for running around like “morons and heathens” before making the long drive back. It’s my only memory of a vacation from my childhood. However, the feeling of excitement as we crossed the state line never left. The travel bug became part of my DNA.

Passing On The Travel Bug

Though I had the travel bug, I didn’t get to feed the beast. Frankly, my husband and I were poor, young, and dumb when we got married and had our first child. Now, that I’m typing this, we were still young and dumb but, a little less poor when we delivered our second child. Anyway, I took a new vow the day I delivered my son, Hunter, (literally, as I held him for the first time) I said to my husband, Michael,

Not only did he go to college and go on vacation each summer, he too, loves exploring new cultures, chatting up the cabby or Uber driver, getting lost in huge cities, and spending endless hours in airports.

Now, I realize it’s more than a vacation, it’s an escape. It’s a way to get away from the mundane of daily life. I really believe it’s our daily routines that make life rush by. It’s the routine that puts us in our graves. Get up, shower, brush our teeth, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, make dinner, do dishes, watch that black box of endless chatter and useless information, then go to bed. Day after day. I am not cut out for the daily grind of an ordinary predictable schedule. So, what did I do? I took a traveling corporate job.

Life As A Working Road Warrior Takes a Toll

I spent over 10 years on the road, avoiding the mundane daily life, always looking for that Florida Georgia line rush. So, I get my dad, I want to be on the road too. I want mile markers behind me and the horizon of state line signs in front of me. The REAL strength is my mom and Michael. While my dad and I were road warriors for so many years, my mom broke up fights between me, my brother, Josh, and my sister, Amy. Michael and my mom broke up the fights between my own kids, Hunter, Hayley, and Zach. They went to practice, events, and shows. They were there doing the hard work. The mundane work. The daily life. I finally righted the parenting ship and came home to attend the games, coach the games, watch the shows, make dinner, break up fights, and do the mundane. The daily life. I do not regret making the decision to come off the road.

Feeding The Beast, The Travel Bug Must Be Fed

However, the kids are grown and gone. I’ve been grounded too long. Doing the daily routine too long. I’m not Michael or Mom. I’m not that strong. I am my dad. I like road maps, wrong turns, and mile markers. The travel bug is itching right under my skin, and the road is calling my name. I need to see those state welcome signs, border crossing agents, and airline flight attendants.

Sadly, owning a business, working, or other commitments could keep our inner travel beast (aka bug) hungry. So, how do we balance traveling and life? It’s easy to feel like we are being left on the sidelines as influencers on Instagram or friends on Facebook look like they are living their best lives. For me, I’ve pushed myself to consider day excursions and weekend road trips as travel too while I plan and prepare for other longer and more expensive trips.

I believe traveling can help me navigate my midlife crisis. It will give me time away to process where I want to go in life and why.

Feeding Your Beast

Instead of worrying about hiking in fantastically awesome locations, choose to hike each weekend in the neighboring states and communities. Stop comparing your travel to other’s people’s travel. You’re travels are awesome and you don’t need to validate by comparing yourself to others. Stop worrying about getting Instagram’s perfect pictures. Your pictures are for you and if they make you happy then they are perfect.

You can feed your inner travel beast with smaller more frequent trips within 150 miles or so in every direction. There are literally thousands of small towns that would love to see you exploring their downtown, small shops, and outdoor amenities.

When, how, or where did you catch the travel bug? Drop me a comment!

For 52 weeks I will give care about a specific aspect of my life. I hope you will follow along in my journey.

About The Author

Lauralee Hites is a full-time management consultant who owns Stratavize Consulting Inc. a boutique consulting firm. She’s a part-time writer and blogger. When Lauralee is not speaking or working with clients, she is traveling, writing, or kayaking with her dog, Bear.

Disclaimer: This article does not contain sponsored or affiliate links. I receive no compensation from this article.

The post How I Caught The Travel Bug appeared first on Lauralee Hites.

How It All Began

Well, I’m in week 1 of my 52-week journey, and I’m already wondering the big question, will a midlife crisis pass? What if it doesn’t pass? What if I stay in limbo? What if I can’t figure our my purpose in life? I’m embarking on a journey, also known as, Project Maptastrophe: A Woman’s Guide To Navigating A Midlife Crisis Like Athena. If you’re new to this series, go check out my first article where I explain with all the gory details. After over 2 years of feeling lost and ashamed I found out, I’m not losing my mind, I’m in fact having a woman’s midlife crisis. There was some ugly crying involved, too much ice cream, and cringe-worthy text messages to friends I missed. Trust me, go read the first article, it will all make sense.

Tackling The Physical Aspect Of A Midlife Crisis

I simply did not care about anything other than going from the bed to my desk, from the desk to the kitchen, and from the kitchen to the couch. While making my rounds I would question why am I here, what do I want in life, what do I want to do next, and what does God expect of me, and so on. All things I THOUGHT I had answered in my thirties. After over 2 years of not caring about my well-being, weight, looks, career, God, friends, or finances, I’m embarking on a new journey to conquer the midlife crisis.

In my first article, I explained I would be exploring the Emotional, Spiritual, Financial, Vocational, Physical, or Relational sides of a midlife crisis. Essentially, each week I will care about something in one of these categories.

This week, I’m taking on the physical aspect of a midlife crisis. Essentially, I’m going to care about my physical appearance. I’ve decided to go on a hike at Shrader Weaver Woods.

Why Walk When You Are Going Through A Midlife Crisis

Walking Helps Us Think

There’s a ton of research that suggests walking can do wonders for our mental and physical well-being. Matter of fact ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote many times about the benefits of walking. In the painting below, named “The School Of Athens’ by Raphael Fresco, you can see Aristotle and Plato walking as their students follow taking notes. However, Aristotle was not the only ancient Greek philosopher that sang the praises of walking. Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said, “To travel on foot is to travel in the fashion of Thales, Plato, and Pythagoras. I find it hard to understand how a philosopher can bring himself to travel in any other way; how he can tear himself from the study of the wealth which lies before his eyes and beneath his feet.”

So, I suppose if walking is good enough for ancient philosophers it’s good enough for me.

Walking Is Good For Creativity

Clearly, I’m wrestling with a variety life decisions. Studies have shown that walking is good for creativity. Creativity can unlock imagination and our imagination can solve problems. This was rational for wanting to walk more. If I can become more creative I will figure out why I am on earth! In one Stanford University study, researchers found that walking boosts creative output by 60 percent! The study found not only does the creativity flow better while we are walking but, the creativity continues once we’ve stopped walking.

Walking Is Good For Our Brains

Additionally, I found in an Atlantic article, that reported: One of the largest studies ever conducted was on a group of 121,000 nurses, who were surveyed on a wide range of their health and lifestyle habits starting in 1976. The survey was repeated every two years. This established a trove of valuable information, which public-health researchers have been fruitfully mining since. Among them is Rush University assistant professor Jennifer Weuve, who studied the data collected on 18,766 of the nurses, who were then ages 70 to 81, to unearth connections between exercise and cognitive ability. The results, published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, suggested that those who exercised the most—the group that maintained a median level of walking for six hours a week—were 20 percent less likely to show cognitive impairment than those who exercised the least.

So, clearly walking is good for our brains! Given my brain is telling me I’m a failure and I’m lost – walking might just be the thing I need to do to set my mind right.

Of Course It’s Raining, Walk Anyway

I forced myself out of bed on Saturday, January 1st, dreading the first week of my 52-week journey to navigate a midlife crisis. I didn’t feel like going. Today was the day I was to change the trajectory of my life. Yet, I considered putting it off, kind of like I do everything else. Of course, it was expected to rain, THE ENTIRE DAY! This weather prediction seemed like a sign, right? Do not go! However, I dug out my waterproof hiking shoes and jacket.

Pulling out my AllTrails app I found the closest and shortest trail to my house. Shrader Weaver Woods is a 2-mile trail through the woods in the middle of cornfields in Fayette County. This was doable for me and my corgi, Nala. Perfect. She and I will slog through those 2 miles and then hurry home so I can mope around the rest of New Year’s Day.

My Cloud Clears Even When The Rain Clouds Didn’t

It was not particularly cold out but the rain made it miserable. I sat in my running car for 10 minutes wondering will a midlife crisis pass? If so, how soon? When I can expect to know all the answers to all of the questions? Then, I started the old narrative in my head that’s played countless times. “Lets put this off until next weekend. You don’t have to do this.” When my mind played those words I knew I had to get out. Finally, I gathered my headphones, leash, and the dog to set out for a walk in the woods.

When I began the walk I had intended to listen to a book but, I was quickly annoyed by the hood rubbing my headphones cord. Frustrated and hating everything, I stuffed the headphones in my pocket and trudged on. It was about 10 minutes into my walk that I noticed my mood was lifting. The rain no longer bothered me. I began to smile while chatting with Nala about all the things she was seeing and smelling.

Bend But Do Not Break

As I made my way through the winding trail I came across this tree. I stood there staring at it for the longest time. I realized that the tree had bent to the ground but did not break. I felt this could be me too. I could bend but, I had to refuse to break. I had to be like this tree, though pulled to the ground I would not snap in half.

There in the middle of these small woods in the center of a bunch of cornfields, I promised myself to not give up on this project.

Before And After

As part of this project I committed to reporting you on what I felt before and after what ever I tackled during the week. I’m not sure if I can keep this up but I’m going to try. However, you can see from my meters approve that first walk did wonders for my physical and emotional well-being.

For 52 weeks I will give care about a specific aspect of my life. I hope you will follow along in my journey.

About The Author

Lauralee Hites is a full-time management consultant who owns Stratavize Consulting Inc. a boutique consulting firm. She’s a part-time writer and blogger who is navigating midlife. When Lauralee is not speaking or working with clients, she is traveling, writing, or kayaking with her dog, Bear.

Disclaimer: This article does not contain sponsored or affiliate links. I receive no compensation from this article.

The post Will A Midlife Crisis Pass appeared first on Lauralee Hites.

My Life Turned Castrophe

My life has become a catastrophe, a disaster of sorts. As you’ll soon find out it’s actually a midlife crisis. Spoiler alert, it can happen to women! Yes! Women can have a midlife crisis and it does not involve a Corvette!

If you would have told me while in my thirties that by my mid-forties I would be living in an 800 square foot house, considering closing my business, weighing more than ever before, crying myself to sleep 3 or 4 days a week, with less than a handful of friends, still married to one that’s nice but not kind, I would have called you crazy, nuts, or completely insane. I prepared for success in my forties. I had charted the course of my life at 31 and was following the map to physical, emotional, spiritual, vocational, relational, and financial success.

Make Up – I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Make Up

It happened little by little. Day after day. Year after year. Until I woke up in late December 2021 to realize I no longer cared about myself. I wasn’t suicidal or completely unhinged, simply felt lost. I could not care any less about myself. My appearance no longer mattered. Monday through Friday my wardrobe of choice was sweat pants, t-shirts, and a ratty old grey oversized sweater. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t even bother changing my pajamas after a shower. Oh, my weight – geesh, I had not been on a scale in who knows how long. So, why bother wearing real clothes when I probably couldn’t fit into them anyway.

The grey hairs stood out among the bottle brown strands. My once caterpillar-like eyebrows (which apparently is very much in style now but, were not when I had them!) were now a patchwork of black coarse hair scattered above my eyes. So, why bother doing my hair or makeup? I was a train wreck anyway.

My emotional well-being was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t hang out with friends and rarely spoke with them on the phone. I didn’t go out or do anything. Lastly, I no longer loved my job or business. Yet, I had no idea what I would do as an alternative to the only career I’ve ever known. This is when I knew it was serious. I had always LOVED my career. My once spontaneous personality was replaced by a mundane predictable routine. It involved moving from the bed to the desk, from the desk to the kitchen, and from the kitchen to the couch. Every single day.

I Don’t Care What You Think – I Will Wear PJs

We are inundated with “don’t care” messaging. Daily, we are told not to care what others think. It’s our life and we will do what we please when we please, and if you don’t like it, well, you can suck it.

We’ve all seen the memes. How about the one that reads, “Not caring what other people think is the best choice you will ever make.” Or the infamous, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Maybe you shared the one that reads, “I don’t care what other people think, I enjoy life with my own rules.”

All of these memes sound like great advice, right? However, I came to a point where I didn’t care about what others thought of me or of what I thought of myself. There is truth to not caring too much about what others think. However, I had gone from not caring what strangers think to everyone, including myself. Is it possible I’m not alone here?

What You Wear Says A Lot About How You Feel

As women pushed back on the ideal image of a woman was June Cleaver, I have to wonder if the pendulum has swung a little too far. In the 1950s women dressed up for their husbands, not for themselves. However, I have to wonder if today we, both men and women, don’t dress up for anyone, including ourselves. The fashion industry has reported a significant drop in dress clothes with skyrocketing sales of joggers, sweats, yoga pants, and pajamas.

Yet, according to Fashion Psychology people feel better when they dress better. I thought, until recently, I could trace it back to when I started to get off course on my life’s map, it began with what I wore. It sounds silly even typing that! However, it’s true. I was no longer traveling for work and I began to buy into the jogger and jeans culture. Dresses became jeans. Jeans became sweat pants. Sweat pants became PJs. Yet, it was more than that. What I wore was saying more about how I felt.

It’s Not Covid – It’s A Midlife Crisis

I know what you’re thinking, just blame covid. Everyone has changed because of covid. The problem with that is, I was off-course BEFORE covid. Covid, just made it worse. I was already wearing sweats, isolating friends and family, slacking off on work, and feeling sad more days than I felt happy.

Finally, after some time I consulted a coach/therapist. I explained that I hated everything about me and my life. Sharing I was unsure of where I was going or how I would get there. I was completely lost. It was then that I learned a midlife crisis can look different than what I had imagined. I thought a midlife crisis only happened to men. When men hit midlife they would have an affair and buy a sports car. So cliche, I know. However, that is what I thought! I didn’t know a single woman that had gone through a midlife crisis but I could point to many men in my life that had.

A Woman’s Midlife Crisis

Now, as I head full-force into 2022 I’m in a full-blown midlife crisis! The Oxford Dictionary defines a midlife crisis as an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. Once I read those words I felt vindicated. I’m not losing my mind, depressed, or crazy! This crisis of identity and self-confidence started with my clothes. It started with something so small and now this feeling of being lost was in every part of my life.

How did I not know women could have a midlife crisis? Because it’s not talked about. I have never, not once, had a woman friend 40 or older talk to me about this. Oh, sure I’ve heard all about menopause but a women’s midlife crisis? No. I’ve talked to them about divorces, kids, careers, and a husband’s affair but, not once did anyone mention this phrase to me.

Embarking On A 52-Week Journey To Navigating A Woman’s Midlife Crisis

Frankly, I’m charting a map to an unknown destination, but I’m inviting you, reader, to join me. I have no idea how this will turn out. I’m embarking on a 52-week project, it will be a journey to recover from a midlife crisis. Not just recover, no, to celebrate success on the other side!

I will name it, Project: Maptastrophe, A Woman’s Guide To Navigating A Midlife Crisis Like Athena. I landed on Maptastrophe because I felt I had mapped my life to perfection and happiness until it wasn’t. It feels like a catastrophe to me. It feels like I’m broken and lost. However, I want to map my future so, it became Maptastrophe. I chose to treat this blog series as a guide because I want it to show you and me the way forward. Athena is the Greek Goddess associated with wisdom, handicraft, and warfare. These are traits that may come in handy for this journey.

This project will be for me and you what no other woman was to me. There was no guidance, wisdom, or advice from another woman on what to do when I hit midlife. It wasn’t until I completely fell apart that I decided to do something to figure out what was happening to me. It will be the unvarnished ugly truth about what a midlife crisis means as a woman and how we survive it.

For 52 weeks I will give care about a specific aspect of my life. I hope you will follow along in my journey.

About the Author

Lauralee Hites is a full-time management consultant who owns Stratavize Consulting Inc. a boutique consulting firm. She’s a part-time writer and blogger who is navigating midlife. When Lauralee is not speaking or working with clients, she is traveling, writing, or kayaking with her dog, Bear.

The post Fine, I Admit It! It’s A Midlife Crisis appeared first on Lauralee Hites.